Monday, Sunny Monday

So there are all these plants that need holes dug and it turns out my arm isn't suffering from imaginitis, it might actually be tendinitis.
Imagine my delight to discover the kids holding a working bee.
I am thrilled!

And I have been talking to their father who was looking for a dining table. Well I haven't been happy with the look of the one I have. The oval shape is inefficient for the space it takes and the unstained chairs are frankly never going to be stained as I am just no good at it. So I offered my table to Andrew and very promptly have found myself a new one :) Well a second hand one actually.

Sunday, bloody Sunday!!

I have had a day! And don't worry this story ends up ending happily, but in the middle, I get so bloody mad I created a scene!
The morning was spent pottering around virtually. I played a few games, looked at dining tables, Christmas presents and driving lessons for Miss 16.

Eventually, I got out and swept down the back veranda. Here is what you have to visualise: woman with broom swinging it back and forth with a dog wrapped around it. Ponyo thinks sweeping is an outrage and must be prevented. It isn't efficient to sweep that way and the broom is quite heavy with a dog attached!

With that done, I cleaned down the dust and grub covered outdoor table, lit the BBQ and cooked sausages for the me and the kids. As this has become a regular thing there has been a build up of fat in the bottom of the BBQ and I ended up with the first few sausages blackened rather than cooked. Ponyo got them. Lucky dog. He went back several times to like the rim of the bowl in case there was any remaining grease.

After lunch Kate and I went off to the Yarralumla Nursery to collect the allocation I am entitled to as a new home owner.

Now this is something that should be straight forward, but hasn't been.

Trip 1: I visited last summer and asked the question about how to go about making my collection. I was told to bring evidence of my address. A bill or something and my driver's licence.

Trip 2: I bring along evidence and licence and am told I have not brought the correct things. Specifically I have to bring a correspondence from my lawyer about the sale of the land. 

Trip 3: Armed with a very thick letter from my lawyer about the settlement process, the contract etc, I thought I had it in the bag. Not so. The letter did not prove that I bought the land, just that I was going to. Sigh. I was given a brochure with the requirements.

Trip 4 (today): I read the brouchure. It mentioned a bunch of things I didn't have and few I did. I don't have a mortgage so I had no bank papers, I don't hold the certificate as they are in a safe with the lawyers but I did have my rates notice. I didn't know if they wanted the entire 6 pages or not, but I wasn't leaving anything to chance.

I thrust the wad into my hand bag.

I thought a moment then went and got my entire filing box of all documents related to the home and put it in the car.

I arrived. I presented the rates notice. And the girl refused to acknowledge it as sufficient. She pulled out her brochure and showed me that it said one of the other documents 'AND the rates notice'. 

I pulled out my brochure, given to me last time and pointed out where it said 'OR rates notice'.

She wouldn't budge. I asked whether she was serious. Was she seriously going to send me home-again-to get more papers when I had on three occasions now made this 50km round trip. She assured me there was no other way. I said she must surely have discretion. No customer service based business could be so short sighted to give her no discretion. She insisted. (And returned my raised voice with her own) By now I was seething and assured her that I just knew they were going to mess me around. I stormed off to the car and hefted my box of files into the store. And one by one, I stacked every conceivable document I have ever received from either government or lawyer about the house. She quickly took what looked like a random sample and set about arranging my allocation.

I was rude and mad and ashamed and so bloody angry to have been treated like this. I told her it was very unfair to have me standing there looking like an idiot when all I had done each time was bring what I was told would be sufficient.

Well I made myself calm down. I was disgusted with my temper and the situation too. Kate and I went about choosing the plants. They were very expensive so the $220 would have been much better spent at Magnet Mart, but I wasn't about to look this bad tempered gift horse in the mouth because it was bound to bite me!

When we got to the register, the girl was keeping her head down doing her very best to avoid my eye. But though it cost me something to do it, I caught her eyes and apologised to her. If the system is so inflexible, then it is not her fault. And it was one of those things. I guess she immediately saw that I was a human. And apologised to me in turn. And you know, that makes all the difference.

Sigh- I am such a hot head. I hate it.

So, we left the nursery with $220 of plants that were not exactly what I wanted just at this moment but had considered wanting eventually. I bought nearly all the Correa Dusky Bells they had. I want to encourage all the wrens and nectar eating birds to come and play. 

Correa Dusky Bells

And some hardenbergias to sprawl under the natives I have planted down the back. 

Hardenbergia

A few more diosmas. I love diosmas. There are so soft and lush and hardy and I can prune them without needing to know anything about pruning.

Diosmas- Natures most sensible border plant
 

Here is my theory on gardening. Pick something you like and plant lots of it. Then it looks like you know what you are doing because it is a 'theme'.

So in my garden I want: Diosmas, Japanese maples, crab apples, correa, camelias, pittosporum, agapanthus and I am going to start getting connifers.
The house ended up with a brick that is kind of pinky/mauvish which I don't like to be frank, but I am going to pretend I do. Already I am building up a pallette of purples and pinks in the garden.

Weeping elm in the centre and a row of camelias.

I love autumn colour but it comes at a price: Autumn colour means a winter grey garden.

So I am thinking hard about the balance of deciduous and evergreen. 

So the weeping tree, even when bare should be attractive so I have placed it opposite the lounge window..but with evergreen plants either side. A row of camelias. I will probably plant the correas in between the camelias. Imagine sitting in that window in winter, enjoying the northern sun and little birds just meters away.

Or maybe it will just be a very silly dog eating my plants :P

Ponyo finishing off an entre of Camelia en Potte

Long Weekend Gardening

On Thursday I ordered my turf from Canturf.
They called me 4 times to make sure the order was all set. The final one on Friday checking if I was sure given the weather.
I was sure: The forecast was for rain clearing on Saturday (6%) and fine Sunday/Monday.
Were they sure? Because there seemed to be some hesitation about whether the equipment was going to manage given it was raining.

Anyway, very early Saturday morning it was delivered after a deluge of rain the night before.

I got not one, but two certificates of authenticity to go with the grass. I never imagined you could get inauthentic grass.

I got all sorted into my gardening gear, loaded three rolls of grass into the wheel barrow and sank 10 cm into the mud. And it started to rain. Again.

So I went and did laundry for the day.

Sunday!

Starting late to give the ground time to dry out, I was back at it by 10 am. About 11.30, my bum was aching and my arms and just as I was wondering how on earth I would finish, Bill arrived to offer a hand.

Once there were two of us, it was so much better. It's fun working with someone else. I don't remember it hurting after that though it took another two and a half hours.

Side yard after all the heartache

Bill talked and talked and talked. It's just lovely and Ponyo was an attention seeking piece of Pest. As soon as I had one roll down, he was trying to eat it, roll in it and poo on it. Trying and succeeding at all.

I have to admit that of all the many things I can do really well, laying turf is not one of them, but it is good enough. The dust will be settled. With water it will establish and with time it will be fine.

Today, being a long weekend, I got another day in the garden. Stiff and sore I was much slower but still had plenty in mind to do.

I started with three bags of agapanthus. One of my favourite plants. Mum and dad had dug up a huge clump at the front of their place in Narooma and sent me home with a large portion of it. So today with secateurs and the knife from my lawn trimming, I prepared the aggies and then got digging.

A border of Aggies

Then it was time to do some cleaning up. After all this gardening there is dirt everywhere and aggie scraps and leaves and mulch and more dirt. 

Ponyo thought the whole process was for his personal enjoyment and he kept me company a lot of the time. Often appearing between my legs (not so convenient) looking for a brisk patting- which I couldn't resist giving him. He spent much of the day in the front yard and unlike Rusty, resisted the urge to chase cars. And came when he was called... mostly. And chased the water as I tried to water-in the plants.

A picture of progress

All up, I am knackered. My busted arm from falling a month or so ago is aching. My hands are so tired I am pausing in my typing. Ponyo is 50 shades of filthy. But I will officially call the long October weekend a success!

As well as eating dirt and chasing the sprinkler, Ponyo ate the top of my newly bought lilac tree. Grrrr

Birthday Weekend

 It was my birthday. I always get a bit tense before my birthday because I am so bloomin fussy. In the past there were things I would want that I couldn't buy myself and it was the only time in a year when they just might materialise.
Anyway, so it all became loaded with emotions that even now, I get swept away with. Quite ridiculously as I actually have just about everything I could ever want. 

A little over excited the night before (I know, it is pathetic), I didn't fall easily asleep and no sooner than I had, the phone rings and it is the kids father. He has had an accident and needs me to take him to the hospital.

I got back, went to shoot a quick email to work to say I would be late and found a message in my email form one of the kids asking for some photocopying to be done.
By the time it was all said and done, it was one hour before the first birthday greetings began to arrive and that's not much sleep to be sensible with. Especially some one as pugnacious as myself.

A box- a tell tale box is delivered

I squabbled with my poor Mark again and managed to patch it up in time for the deliver. 

Oh my!

I saw one of these boxes arriving for a colleague and I was so impressed. 

I wished I had one too!

:) And now I do :) 

How posh. How wonderful

I wish I hadn't been so tired because I couldn't make my delight obvious through the fog of sleeplessness.

Thank you darling Mark, they are perfect!

Gorgeous 

With a few more phone calls on the heels of saying goodnight to Mark, I gave up trying to sleep and eventually headed off to work..... 

OMG

Even more around the other side but my photo was blurry

Even more flowers: from Jen and Anna and from the girls in the Exec Suite. I was so spoiled. It would be the nicest workplace birthday I have ever had. I think Hayley is building a lovely team spirit. At 4pm, we all stopped work and had a lovely afternoon tea as three of us were having a birthday this week.
All day long I was greeted by all and sundry with birthday wishes. It was very cute.

Flowers on left from Jen and Anna in my favourite colour: Red

When I got home, can you believe it? There were more flowers. From Michael and Gabrielle. The most enormous bunch I have ever seen so i actually had to go shopping for a vase big enough to hold them.

My 'Birthday' Lounge

To celebrate the birthday and because I had so much flextime built up and because finally Garry has an Executive Officer to help look after him, I took today off.

After a delicious sleep in, I got moving and started in the garden- finally vacated by the builder next door. He did not return it to its former state, but I was ready to just move on. 
With Bill's help, I have spread all the dirt I had left. I used the crowbar and he manned the shovel and we dug a hole and planted the weeping elm.
I still need to water it in, and pick up the tools, but I wanted to finish this first so Mark could read it before he goes to work :)

The bad dog is eating my magnolia tree. he has already chewed off a quarter of it.

My bought-on-internet maples are starting to leaf up. They are going to be so pretty

Where am I and what am I doing?

It is a few weeks since the last blog and in fact nothing much has changed except one vital thing. I am back on antidepressants.
My feelings about this are only mixed because of the external worries. For myself, life is so much better on them that I wouldn't blink an eye to be told I had to use them for life. It's only that people judge me. Judge me well enough to not need them and judge me unfit for things because i am on them.

Yesterday I was told that I had never been seen without a smile on my face. Well that is magnificent because that is who I want to be. I feel that IS who I am. But heavens above it is a struggle to be her.

At some stage about three months ago it had seemed like a good idea to go off them. Everything seemed to be getting sorted. And gradually I reduced the dose. And things were ok. Some issues were building, but I was ok. 

I changed jobs and that worried me a bit. But again it was ok. A few more issues cropped up and I started to sink. So I went and saw a counselor who told me about addiction and give myself time. Just the message alone set me on course for a while (which suggests there is definitely a cognitive component to this),

But as time went on, the weight of misery built up, the fog crawled over and settled on my skin. Every morning I woke up miserable. Angry and miserable. Convinced the only way I could cope was to care about nothing and no one. This was building while I went through yet another change of jobs. Long hours of coming up to speed.

Last weekend was the flash point.
An incident at work left me feeling profoundly unsettled. Paranoid actually. More fights with Mark.
I was soundly told off by my children that I was a no good, angry mother. 

So I packed my bag and left. I won't tell you what I planned. The packed bag was a good sign but there were definitely darker thoughts when I couldn't figure where on earth I could go. (quite literally)

Somewhere before Lake George I did a U-Turn and went to the doctors instead.

And here I am.

The problems are still the same, but I can let go of the anxiety and I can wake without the overwhelming urge to rage at life. I spent my first re-drugged Sunday sitting in the sun, dog at my feet, kindle in hand and it was bliss. The fog had lifted.

Just Read it- it is beyond a title!

Sent August 13,2012
Hi Darren,

You suggested that the brick cleaning would be in a couple of weeks. That's about now. Is that the case?

I have been on hold now for 3 months at your request. Shortly I will recommence my gardening to take advantage of the spring growth season and have the lawn established before summer. The weeping tree must go into the ground before spring.

I need a commitment now, to the timing for restoration of my yard. I have gone above and beyond in generosity of resources and patience and need you to reciprocate.

The day I mentioned the pup to you, requesting the yard be left secure, someone removed the pile of bricks that was blocking the escape path.

I have now blocked it with a pot plant.

Your fellows have been using my water and leaving the tap dripping.

And using my power- which means untying the small piece of wire which stops the lid of the box banging all night when the wind blows. So I have had two midnight trips out into sub zero nights in my Pjs to tie it back up again.  

I could have put a lock on it. I didn't. 

The picture below shows some of the differences to my yard in a before and after shot. The after shot was taken over a month ago. 

It is worse now. 

If you would rather not respond to my email, please feel free to forward it to the owners of the block and I will seek repairs via them.

Regards

Cathy Stevenson

Received 29 minutes later...

hd.constructions@bigpond.com 

The brick cleaning will be done this week. We have not used your power or move any bricks. There wasnt any bricks at the corner of the patio. Your yard did not look like that when we started. The pavers and tree were not there.  I am trying to do the right thing. Please do not e mail me again. I will have a load of top soil delivered as promised when I have time. I am very busy keeping my clients happy, I dont need their neighbours on my back. When we clean up the yard you can finish your landscaping.

These two emails are copy and pasted without alterations.
Read the letter from himself in my blog 6 July where he mentions moving the tree and pavers...

A Sunny Sunday in August

Today has been a beautiful day, though it has ended rather awkwardly.

It started with a sleep in. That means I slept until 7am. I don't call it a sleep in- but Mark does. It was a good sleep though and for me quality probably means as much as quantity.

Mark and I chatted for a while then once he had drifted off to sleep, I headed to the kitchen and started warming milk before going down stairs to fetch Ponyo, who sleeps in the laundry over night. As usual he was over joyed to see me and got into a complete fuss telling me that he doesn't like waiting fr breakfast. But waiting is my next training goal. He is not allowed to eat until I say 'yes'. Fortunately for him, I say it as soon as he is still.

Ponyo knows how to sit!

One thing leads to another. Having been to the laundry I see clothes that need sorting and washing. Going to the clothes line reminds me to water the plants. Wandering around watering, I can see all the builders' rubbish that has blown in, so I pick up a garbage bag full.

I am led next to the fish who need two buckets of water to get their pump running again and I am on the deck looking at the bargain BBQ. I haven't glanced at it since I bought it. Everything is filthy with the builders' dust so I pull off the cover and give it a shake and for the first time see if I can ignite the BBQ. Tadah! It lights! Just like it should!

My next brainwave is to actually use it to cook! Before you know it, I am back from the shops and cooking sausages. I hurriedly clean down the table, put out juice, sauce and fresh bread and we all sat out in the sun eating lunch together. It can't get better than that!

As soon as the food was done, I cleaned up and put the resulting rubbish out. That takes me to the garage and to the front yard and next thing I know I am watering the garden and talking to the kids' dad. And surveying the disaster that was once a side garden waiting for turf. Sigh. Don't dwell. 

And I didn't! Because I am drug free now! 7 complete days with no anti-depressants. Not sure if I am totally out of the woods yet, but I am going to try really hard to deal with things without over reacting. 

More work in the laundry, then I thought it would be nice to sweep all the bird seed and grass and bark chip and semi devoured plants (dog, not snails) and dirt, dirt, dirt off the veranda. Broom in hand, I headed out the door, twisted my ankle and went down hard. My ankle screaming in pain on one side, my knees cut on the other, both hands bruised and scraped, all the resolve of before vanished and I lay on the ground and cried for a while as I tried to figure how to get up.  Sadly, my 20 year old son watched my distress and made no offer to help. Kate, however did. I couldn't see though that, if I needed some strength to lift me up, she would have the strength to do it. So there I lay - being gawped at by all till my ankle decided it was nothing worse than a twisted and allowed me to put enough weight on it to get up.

Hurrumph.

I am hurting now as the bits that were jarred are making themselves known- but then I was so stubborn that if I could get myself up, then I was equal to the task of sweeping. So swept the veranda with Ponyo trying to kill the broom. 

..and when it was all done, I sat in the sun and read.