Crazy Lady

So!
When I wake up in the morning, Mark will already be flying to Australia.
o.o
Can you believe it after all this time?
Do you know how many stories of doomed internet relationships I have been told?
Do you think hearing them makes a jot of difference?

Mark and I are both smart, mature people.
So we have our eyes open.
We are both frightened.
And hopefull.
And excited.

I guess we both have a place in our thoughts that is preparing us for failure. But out loud what we say is this-
This is not the end or the beginning. This is the next part.

Will it be a failure if we decide that an internet relationship is all that we can have? In some ways yes and in some no. It will be horribly sad if it isn't leading us to something more. We have both invested a lot of heart into it.

The 'no' side of the argument is that Mark had been my closest companion through 3 of the hardest years of my life. That can't be a failure.

I hope I have done something for him that makes it worth it. But all I can remember is my increasingly irrational behavior as the tension has built over the last few weeks.

I hope he feels loved, admired appreciated. I hope he feels proud of who he is. If I am not the one for him, I hope he goes out and finds some one as gorgeous as he is and not some crazy lady in Oz!