A Christmas Message

17 February 2012

Merry Christmas!?

This is not a Christmas card! I have sat for a month now, promising myself to write to you while it was still Christmas-ish. As you can see, I have not kept that promise.

Speaking of promises broken- A and I have gone our separate ways! (Now that came a shock, didn’t it?!)

From my point of view, things had been unsatisfactory for about a decade, but it still came as a nasty shock to A when I told him it was over. I don't believe that meant he was happy in the marriage, just that his commitment was stronger. We had a shot at counselling, but our goals were not the same and if anything, it made it worse. We shared the house though until November last year while I worked out my finances, moved to full time employment and built a house.

It is still pretty new and raw for the kids, but for me it is a relief.  I am still aiming to keep a sense of family. A is not wicked or evil. I maybe just too selfish and not prepared to be less of me to fit into the space that was allocated to me in that relationship. 

At Christmas we all gathered here for lunch.  And we have had a couple of family shopping trips and outings where it was more practical for all to go. I am trying hard to do the ‘civilised’ thing. Especially as I am the one who caused all the upheaval. From A’s point of view I probably haven’t been civilised at all!

Meanwhile the kids are getting older! 

B is going into 2^nd year of pre-med. He is besotted with a girl in year 12 at St Francis. I guess he is going to end up marrying her-certainly the way they are going!

 While the rest of the kids are sharing themselves between houses, B and A have not got along and after the most recent row, B has moved here semi-permanently. He will probably stay until I fight with him about the same things: responsibility and mess. But I remember myself at his age and I am not ready to cast the first stone!

J is doing his last year of study. Terrifying time for all of us. He is a dear, but so forgetful and lives in his own dream cocoon. He is funny, warm and gentle. I like him a lot  but because he and B are supposed to share a room here, I am seeing less of him now  as they do not enjoy sharing.

E’s is blossoming. The separation that has been brewing for years meant that home was pretty tense and last year she got herself into a mess of sadness and inability to apply herself to school. I think now that I have finally moved the stress levels have dropped enormously. She is looking more positive and making a commitment to joining the world instead of doing the emo-room-lurking thing. She is so clever, I have to proud of her and now that her braces are about to go on, I am hoping she will be as proud of herself as I am of her.

 

K is Mummy’s girl. Just gone into year 8 and would rather stay with me but goes to Andrew with a sense of fairness. K is the only one who didn’t find primary school a doddle, and as a result is the only one who learned to work before she got to high school. As a result she is doing much better than we ever hoped for her. She keeps me company and seems to enjoy many of the silly things I enjoy doing.

At this stage in the letter I am thinking you are amazed to get such a long letter out of the blue but as I have spilled over onto the second page, I will have to keep going!

When I decided it was time to move on, I needed to get a ‘proper’ job. I had been managing the store for 5 years and the pay had never reflected the work, commitment and chaos that it caused in my life. 'Retail' wages are simply not enough and the last straw was having to work weekends at the same rate I was paid on a weekday- earning as much per hour as the juniors.. or close enough to it.

So it was time to move

With the support of my cousin and her partner, I wrote a couple of applications for the public service and was then coached on interviews. (Support also provided by someone who could be described as a significant other)

2 applications, 1 interview later I am an EA. Executive Assistant. I am enormously overqualified. I get my work done in about a third of the time allotted and I spend a lot of time cleaning up mess just to have something to fill my days. I have a good boss who strokes my ego, hours that will accommodate the kids, better money and so much less stress it is incredible.

I have been working at the Department for six months now. I really enjoyed my first branch as there was the capacity for me to take on a lot of work  outside of the EA role. I then followed my boss to a new area.

The new area is so bloomin serious and high brow, they are not prepared to let little old me dabble with their numbers so my work has been much more restricted. I have told my boss that I am bored out of my skull and am looking for another job and he is in a bit of a panic. So I am giving him a chance to come up with an arrangement. We’ll see. 

I spent 2011 having the best time if you ignore the sadness of the marriage breakup and worrying about the kids. I shopped and built. I have built a house and while it was being built, I shopped and shopped and shopped. Buying duplicates of the core ingredients of a home. A vacuum, a dishwasher, a soup ladle, toilet brush, lounge and so on. From the smallest detail to the biggest. I bargained and travelled and pulled together a very nice little nest for the kids and me.

Oh and I have gone a little bit deaf so 2011 was the year I got hearing aids. It might turn out that I have been a little bit deaf for years. But I have finally done something about it. It made a huge difference but sometimes they irritate the hell out of me and sometimes people irritate the hell out of me and when either of those things happens, I pull the aids out and leave them on my desk!

I have to stop now or I will start another page! Would love to hear from you