Shopping online

Bill's computer has had the side panel off and a pedastal fan blowing on it for over a year now. Then Sarah accidently bumped it over and for some hours it was dead and doing a good job of convincing us that it was going to stay dead.
Bill did a  bit of intensive care and it got going again. But who knew for how long? Meanwhile, with winter here and a wind blowing across out feet at the dining table, I wished for better things!
Bill doesn't pay board and from time to time I over pay him back when he does some shopping. My hope was that he would save up and get a better computer. I noticed however that his shifts were becoming quite scarce and a few well chosen devious questions and I had uncovered that he was actually going backward in his savings- getting further from the computer and not closer.

At the same time I was thinking about coming summers: back at the old house there was a very old gas BBQ. Sufficiently greasy that my car and my clothes would be ruined if I was to move it. That or I would donate a weekend just to cleaning it before I shifted it. So I was watching the classified for a BBQ.

Allclassifieds is my favourite, but I seldom find the bargains there - I bought my car from an add on Gumtree and in the end that was where my BBQ was.

Now here is something: I have a bad habit of getting cold feet at the last minute. Yes I have been to rug shops, got the biggest heaviest rug down, run off to get the cash and not gone back because I changed my mind. Kate has seen me do it enough that she is now quite strict with me when we go shopping. When it came to a Yucka I had Mum on one side telling me they were bad plants and Kate on the other telling me that I had promised the lady I was going to buy it..Guess which I was more afraid of!! (The yucka is on the front door step)

The Yucka: Because I am more afraid of Kate

So I found an advert for a BBQ in very good condition. ( I think I was actually looking for a lawn mower) $60, two gas cylinders and one of them full. I am thinking I will have my moneys worth just in gas bottles....
I arrived at the house. Looks like a run down rental. Hmmmm is this where I want to be on my own?

I ding the bell. I wait. I try to peep through the curtains to get the measure of where I am. I decide I can wait exactly 30 seconds more before I run for the hills and send s polite TXT saying that I came but no one answered the door.
At 17 seconds the door opens and I am lead through a student style house but a returning diplomat!

The BBQ is lovely and clean and as good as new. Not dirty, not rusty and not covered in spider webs. My car proves itself to be the best little Honda Jazz ever by fitting that huge 4 burner BBQ, hood and mount and 2 gas cylinders.
Good little Car! Lovely BBQ. Thank you Mr Diplomat!

Bill helped me get it out of the car and in return i gave him a link to an allclassifieds add for a 2nd hand computer. That has also come here now and he was breathless with joy at his new computer's magnificence. Trained by his mother in the art of loving a bargain he has assured me that it has the 7th best graphics card IN THE WORLD that alone would have cost what the whole computer cost him. (Does that sound familiar?)

Oh and last night on Ebay I won the lawn mower......

From little things...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_ndC07C2qw
(Something to listen to while you read perhaps)

So it is two weeks since the last blog and that pretty much wraps around the time the black dog struck back for a little while.
Woven into this blog's narrative of building a new life is the undercurrent of fighting with that bloody dog. With all the achievements of late, I had decided to halve the dose of antidepressants. At first things were fine- unchanged. Then after a fortnight it was getting a little less easy sailing until last week I was back in the thick of it. Massive and frightening mood swings.

This week I went to the doctor for a chat. She has given me an official schedule to step down the dose. I asked her about the moods. The deep lows followed with highs within the same 24 hours. She explained the 'highs' are me. The lows are the depression. And now I look at it, the further I am from the dose, the more difficult it is for me to stay steady.

I take the dose after my morning shower. Allow some time for the stuff to get into my brain you would expect that afternoons would be my good times and late night and early morning my worst. And early mornings have been devastating.

I nearly went back to full strength, but this weekend, things seem to have settled. I feel myself again.

It is incredible. Honestly. People tell me I don't need them. They simply don't have a clue what it is like to be in this body!

Last weekend when it was bad I couldn't make myself go out into the garden for any serious length of time. I couldn't lift. It seems absurd. Maybe it is my imagination- but I couldn't lift the heavy pavers. I tried to decide what to do with the pavers and I shifted them back and forth until I turned my back on them and walked inside again.

But today I have been out. It is cold and clear and glorious. The whole time I gardened, Sparky the canary sang. It was one of those life is perfect times. heady and wonderful. THIS is who I am. I was strong. I dug lots of holes. I made decisions.

I shifted a good quantity of the pile of dirt.
Progress has been made. In the garden.. and I am still on half a dose.....

(And that is despite walking into a very messy house and being yelled at by the 13yo who thinks I shouldn't call through the house for people to pick up their plates.)

I have another blog to write about computers and BBQs but it can wait!

Long Weekend Plans

Well the plan was to go straight out into the garden this morning and get lots of work done. The reality though was that I woke in the early hours with a sick tummy, blogged, found my Mark on line and then fell asleep on him- not once, but twice! In the end I slept 'til mid morning.
Then I kept him company while he slept 'til late morning.
By the time I finally got myself organised, half the day was gone.

The routine is then that Saturday will absorb itself. Clean the kitchen, feed the birds deal with laundry, empty bins, sweep the veranda... blah blah blah..
Anyway, I got out and finally played with the pavers.

Here is where I am heading-ish. A quick scribble showing large pavers through the centre, small pavers and eventually some pebbles in the gaps.
The fish have been installed in the large black pot and I must remember to put the solar powered pump in it tomorrow!

Obsessions and manias

What I wonder is this:
Am I odd?
Am I more odd than I think I am?
Do people think I am odd?

It's the manic way I seem to sail my life that makes me wonder this. Highs and lows. Swinging in through a single day when the morning is so bleak I can't imagine anything but a lonely old life and finish off feeling like I have conquered the world by the end of the day, having done little more than a regular office day of work.

And the undercurrent of an obsession which changes from time to time.

This is exactly how I am living my life. Sometimes I wonder if I am bipolar, but honestly I don't think I am that odd.

(At this point I go and read Beyond Blue's description of bipolar and have second thoughts)

Days, like Thursday, which swing between hopeless and euphoric are hard work. In between I can settle down and be normal. Does that make Thursday just a day of self centred indulgence?

So it is nearly 4am. My stomach is upset. It has been all week. And I didn't get up to consider whether I am crazy or not- that was a by product of wondering why I was getting up, when it is -3 outside.

 I got up because I am obsessing about Mimpi statues. Mimpi means dream. They are carved in Bali and I want very much!
Some examples:

This is my favourite- but she is $149 on her own

This is not a Mimpi statue, but it is $95, beautiful and maybe an acceptable compromise

These are $180 for the pair. I am very sorely tempted. It's June so my birthday is a way off yet :P

From what I can gather, the mimpi statues tend to be in pairs. I found the first pair in Magnet Mart's garden centre. They were poly resin and $99 each. I wondered if they could be cheaper on line and found only carved limestone ones. While I fell ever more deeply in love, I also saw that the one's at Magnet Mart were quite crude compared to the real thing.

At 30cm, they are half the height of the others, these two are probably less than half the price once delivery is figured

So as it stands:
I am strongly drawn to the pair in the third picture. They are 60cm tall which means they will provide a presence and not just be lost and become nick-nackery which will just bother me. (I do not like clutter).
The lady selling them does not like shipping them as she says the limestone invariably gets damaged in transit.
However!
She is coming to the snow in July and has offered to bring them that far!

I think I know where this will end!

I must google Obsession + compulsion + bipolar and see what it comes up with! I hope I don't sound too self obsessed but maybe that is what all my blogging is anyway!

:D

If Losing View Was Easy

Losing my outlook song :P

Losing the View

The house next door is now underway and as it grows, I am losing my outlook. Soon I won't be able to see the fog over the hill. I am wondering if I will even be able to see any sky.
Anyway, I am not going to moan about that: I love this home and the peace I feel here.

Gardening didn't go far this weekend. I went out and did a couple of hours of hole digging in the rain yesterday until my hair was getting plastered to me head. 8 empty pots join the collection in the garage as I planted out as many plants. Still more than that waiting.

Then I went inside and have been sick ever since. Nothing to do with the rain or the gardening. I have an upset stomach.
Next weekend is a long weekend so hopefull some progress will be made.